Well it has been a long time since I've posted anything, and longer since I posted anything with real content.
Marching Hundred trip went very well. It was quite a good time. Picking the bus with Aaron Burkhart as the leader was definitely the right decision, as he is as good a source of entertainment as the dvd's we had, if not a better one. We stayed in a very nice part of DC, in a great hotel, with plenty of restaurants nearby. Including the family style Chinese place we ate at, New Big Wong. No joke. Had a good time with Victor, Emily, Rahul and the rest of the tones.
That lead quickly into Thanksgiving break. Which was pretty good, and the break certainly needed. Time at home was good, I do more talking in a day or two at home than I do in 2 weeks here. It was good to see IU take back the Bucket, and especially sweet to be flying Cream and Crimson in a boiler house. Although the spectacular game made me almost instantly regret not going. I did get to see everyone I wanted to, except for Kasey, which was extremely disappointing. She has plans to come down here for Little 5 though, which sounds like a freaking awesome weekend, if she can make it.
School since then has been eh. I've not really hung out with people much. I like the Cru people, Suave's friends, they're good people, but for the most part I really don't connect with them. I can't really relax and hang out largely, in a way they're just not my people. I can't be comfortable because they're . . . different. I don't want to say uptight, that's not quite the right word, but it's probably close. Also they're just super into Cru and campus ministry, and that pretty much defines their existence in what I see. I don't know how to explain the difference in lifestyles that accounts for my lack of comfort in hanging out with them. I just get that they wouldn't appreciate a lot of the humor that gets shared around my group, there's no teasing or making fun of each other. I get the impression that if I flipped one of them off, in jest, that would be a big deal. Whereas I can flip off Max (or anyone else in that group) and insult him and it's just us giving each other crap. It's fine.
I can joke and talk about anything with my friends and these people are just too high strung, I think. In the grand scheme of things, compared to other people, I'm sure it's nothing, but compared to what I'm used to and comfortable in, it's a lot. I have to act fake around them, and a lot of times they feel fake to me. It's all very. . .polite, and feels like small talk and disingenuous gratuities. (By the way Disingenuous Gratuities would be a GREAT name for a band or album. . .) I don't have fun. It just feels like a lot of bullshit the entire time. That's another thing, I think it would be a big deal if somebody swore. Big frickin deal. We give each other crap at home, and it's basically a term of endearment. Ugh. I like some of them, and they really are good people but I'm tired of the pretense and I'm tired of not saying the things I think and making the jokes and feeling like I have to guard my speech.
We just don't click. I mean, they also probably wouldn't look to kindly on the whole Objectivist thing. . . or Metal. They're not rock people. I think it's entirely possible that I could offend some of them with just my iPod. I'm just not feeling it. It all feels fake and I'd rather shoot people in the face online in Halo then sit around an apartment or house and just not say anything the entire time. Screw that.
I did hang out with Emily, that went really really well and was a TON of fun. We went to get foreign food from a free thing at Foster, and ended up sitting through literally the dumbest discussion I think I've ever heard. I mean, I heard things that literally made me suspect mental illness like this gem; "Houston is the capitol of the Universe. I mean think about it, when they're in space, it's always 'Houston, we have a problem.' Case and point."
But that was actually good, we sat through it and I tried desperately not to laugh and be too sarcastic, considering we were sitting in the front facing the majority of the crowd, I failed. We got milkshakes from Hoosier Underground and played Mega Bomberman and Streets of Rage on her old Sega. That was a really really great evening and possibly the most fun I've had since I got here.
Had an awesome snowball fight with Emily, Nich and Rahul the other day too. The snow was really coming down, and there were already a few inches from overnight. It was really picturesque, and a complete blast.
Hundred banquet was good, the food was fantastic, especially the prime rib, and of course getting to hang out around the band people pretty much always turns out well.
Victor, Max Rogers and I put in a rental app for a very nice house this week, so that is currently the most likely scenario for my living arrangement next year.
I'm ready for break, as these 3 weeks contain almost no motivation for anyone. Just a few more days and I'll be done with my first semester of college, in more or less one piece. All things considered, I think getting through it at this state is probably gonna go down as a W.
Saturday the Goshen Jazz Bands come down here for the Bloomington Jazz Fest. Looking forward to seeing people then, Neufeld is gonna stay down here, since right now IU is his top choice for college. Hopefully Saturday goes well, I don't think it can go particularly bad. I don't have a whole lot invested in it, learned THAT lesson already. Ha. Looking back I was just being a huge, erhm, wuss. It was a lot of things, big things, and certainly all of them worth being upset about, but looking back I wish I'd've just manned up and not been such a douche. Of course we'll see if I'm saying that if I end up back there.
So just a little bit more to get through. Feels like I'm just skating through right now, not doing a whole lot. Hopefully in time I find people that don't feel fake, but for now I'm doing alright.
Well the Jazz fest was largely mediocre. The jazz was not great, the professional artist was not impressive at all. Upper band did well, lower band, ehhhh. I experienced significant anticipointment. I was looking forward quite a bit to the jazz fest and then it was really not worth going to, plus the music was bad.
I'm getting sick and tired of dealing with stupid drama, and friends of mine being stupid or dealing with stupid crap. I'm sick of the bullshit and I'm sick of bad friends around the people I care about and bad friends around me. And I am pretty well sick of awkwardness. I'm sick of being in the same place, for a matter of hours, and not saying a damn word to each other, or even making eye contact. I'm sick and tired of dealing with this crap, sick and tired of being sick and tired. Come on people, grow the hell up. Now I understand why people say they wouldn't want to go back to high school. I don't like wading through six inches of crap everyday either. Maybe we just need to go back and start crackin skulls and pulling heads out of asses.
No more I'm taking this hatred from you
You make me feel dead when I'm talking to you
You'll take me for granted when I'm not around
So burn all your bridges 'cause I'm not going down
This time I will be heard
I'm not gonna burn
It's funny how the table,
How the table turns
You fake (fake) your damnation
You pray (pray) for salvation
'Cause your heart is made of stone
You can die and rot alone
I hope you're unhappy and hurting inside
I want you to choke when you swallow your pride
Lay in your coffin and sleep with your sins
Give me the nails and I'll hammer them in right now
This time you won't be heard
You are gonna burn
It's funny how the table,
How the table turns
You fake (fake) your damnation
You pray (pray) for salvation
'Cause your heart is made of stone
You can die and rot alone
This time you won't be heard
You are gonna burn
It's funny how the table,
How the table turns
You fake (fake) your damnation
You pray (pray) for salvation
'Cause your heart is made of stone
You can die and rot alone (x3)
You can die and rot alone
Just die and rot alone!!
This time you won't be heard (x3)
"Alone" - Bullet for my Valentine
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Best Quotes from Marching Hundred DC Trip
*Aaron shuts off the movie*
Ryan Comerford "Awww you cut it off right at the climax!"
Dan Herrick "I heard that Ryan Comerford CRYmaxes."
Lady dying in "Snakes On A Plane:" "They offered me early retirement, but no, I had to have one more go around."
Single Mother in "Snakes:" "But you had a reason, you saved my baby!"
Norm: "You selfish bitch!"
NERD! NERD! NERD! NERD!
"To all of you who went to the China Buffet; Yes, it was me that plugged the toilet. I flushed it three times, nothing. . . True Story: I once pooped so hard I passed out." Aaron Burkhart
"Okay guys. . . one of my goals for this trip was to get a chant of "Burk-fart" going" -Dan Herrick.
BURK-FART BURK-FART BURK-FART
*Getting back on the bus* "I literally just passed an incredible amount of gas." Aaron Burkhart
"His goal this trip is to constantly remind me that I was fat."
"Fun fact: I was once impregnated by a spider, true story."
"I don't even trust boobs."
Aaron Burkhart
"I don't even have a cherry yet."
"There's a hole in my butt. . . lemme see . . ."
"Victor, you're choking me!"
Emily Dyer
"So what he just said is that he once dragged a peeing 14 year old girl through a house by her arms." Dan Herrick.
"Well, that IS technically true," Aaron
Dan: "Our sponsors today are Cialis, and *unintelligible* But remember, never mix them!"
Ryan "Oooohhh. Too late!"
Me: "Well that explains the Crymaxing."
Aaron: "If you look to your left you'll see a Wendy's; Fun Fact: I once dated a girl named Wendy."
Ryan: "Did you get her Frosty?"
Ryan Comerford "Awww you cut it off right at the climax!"
Dan Herrick "I heard that Ryan Comerford CRYmaxes."
Lady dying in "Snakes On A Plane:" "They offered me early retirement, but no, I had to have one more go around."
Single Mother in "Snakes:" "But you had a reason, you saved my baby!"
Norm: "You selfish bitch!"
NERD! NERD! NERD! NERD!
"To all of you who went to the China Buffet; Yes, it was me that plugged the toilet. I flushed it three times, nothing. . . True Story: I once pooped so hard I passed out." Aaron Burkhart
"Okay guys. . . one of my goals for this trip was to get a chant of "Burk-fart" going" -Dan Herrick.
BURK-FART BURK-FART BURK-FART
*Getting back on the bus* "I literally just passed an incredible amount of gas." Aaron Burkhart
"His goal this trip is to constantly remind me that I was fat."
"Fun fact: I was once impregnated by a spider, true story."
"I don't even trust boobs."
Aaron Burkhart
"I don't even have a cherry yet."
"There's a hole in my butt. . . lemme see . . ."
"Victor, you're choking me!"
Emily Dyer
"So what he just said is that he once dragged a peeing 14 year old girl through a house by her arms." Dan Herrick.
"Well, that IS technically true," Aaron
Dan: "Our sponsors today are Cialis, and *unintelligible* But remember, never mix them!"
Ryan "Oooohhh. Too late!"
Me: "Well that explains the Crymaxing."
Aaron: "If you look to your left you'll see a Wendy's; Fun Fact: I once dated a girl named Wendy."
Ryan: "Did you get her Frosty?"
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Overkill
Busy week. Bball Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday. Assignment due for philosophy. DC trip starting at 4 am Friday morning. I need to decide whether I should go to bed Thursday night or just pull an all nighter and sleep on the bus. Who knows? There shouldn't even BE a 4AM.
I felt pretty gross this morning so I stayed in bed until almost one in the afternoon. Which is nuts, I normally can't stay in bed that long but I felt like crap.
I currently have 3 full, unopened bags of Reese's Pieces in my room, plus one I still haven't finished.
At this point it looks like next year I will be living in Hoosier Court apartments. With who is the question. If it works out I'll be living with some guys I know that do Cru and that I am around a lot. If not then I guess I'll be living with Victor and a couple other guys I've yet to meet. We'll see how that turns out. Either way both of those groups of people will probably be in the complex so it may not make a HUGE difference.
For the record: There is nothing like Indiana basketball. It's insane, and we haven't even had a big opponent yet. The Big 10 season is gonna be awesome. Purdue is gonna be absolutely crazy, and I wish we played Kentucky here this year.
7 days until break, and I am more than ready. It's gonna be a really busy break though. Hopefully everything goes well, and then after that just 3 weeks till Christmas break. Plus I'll get a good Saturday when the Jazz bands come down here I'll go see them at Bloomington Jazz Fest. Last couple times seeing people was hit and miss. . . and caused some decent sized problems. But hopefully things will go well this time. Things seem to be on the right track anyway.
Things are going alright. Still frustrating at times, and occasionally I get that outsider feeling but we'll see with time. And of course there's still stuff that I'm dissatisfied with or want to be different. But there's not a whole lot I can do. Just be patient and see what happens with time.
^ That's right, I started 2 sentences with conjunctions. Deal with it English.
So 7 days until Goshen. Actually at this time in a week I should be over halfway there. I'm quietly optimistic although I think I will be stretched. Max wants to hang out, maybe jam, I'd like to hang out with Kasey too. So there are at least 3 friends I need to make plans with. I don't know if there will be a group thing planned or not . . . and if there is I don't know if I'd go. We'll see.
With basketball, classes, and stuff to do at Cat Palace and Hoosier Courts I think the next month and a half should go well. Time between breaks and between seeing people will be shorter. So let's see how it goes.
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations that
I know will be alright
Perhaps it's just imagination
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation
At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night from overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
It's just overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
"Overkill" - Colin Hay
I felt pretty gross this morning so I stayed in bed until almost one in the afternoon. Which is nuts, I normally can't stay in bed that long but I felt like crap.
I currently have 3 full, unopened bags of Reese's Pieces in my room, plus one I still haven't finished.
At this point it looks like next year I will be living in Hoosier Court apartments. With who is the question. If it works out I'll be living with some guys I know that do Cru and that I am around a lot. If not then I guess I'll be living with Victor and a couple other guys I've yet to meet. We'll see how that turns out. Either way both of those groups of people will probably be in the complex so it may not make a HUGE difference.
For the record: There is nothing like Indiana basketball. It's insane, and we haven't even had a big opponent yet. The Big 10 season is gonna be awesome. Purdue is gonna be absolutely crazy, and I wish we played Kentucky here this year.
7 days until break, and I am more than ready. It's gonna be a really busy break though. Hopefully everything goes well, and then after that just 3 weeks till Christmas break. Plus I'll get a good Saturday when the Jazz bands come down here I'll go see them at Bloomington Jazz Fest. Last couple times seeing people was hit and miss. . . and caused some decent sized problems. But hopefully things will go well this time. Things seem to be on the right track anyway.
Things are going alright. Still frustrating at times, and occasionally I get that outsider feeling but we'll see with time. And of course there's still stuff that I'm dissatisfied with or want to be different. But there's not a whole lot I can do. Just be patient and see what happens with time.
^ That's right, I started 2 sentences with conjunctions. Deal with it English.
So 7 days until Goshen. Actually at this time in a week I should be over halfway there. I'm quietly optimistic although I think I will be stretched. Max wants to hang out, maybe jam, I'd like to hang out with Kasey too. So there are at least 3 friends I need to make plans with. I don't know if there will be a group thing planned or not . . . and if there is I don't know if I'd go. We'll see.
With basketball, classes, and stuff to do at Cat Palace and Hoosier Courts I think the next month and a half should go well. Time between breaks and between seeing people will be shorter. So let's see how it goes.
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations that
I know will be alright
Perhaps it's just imagination
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation
At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night from overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
It's just overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
"Overkill" - Colin Hay
Saturday, October 30, 2010
One Likes to Believe in the Freedom of Music
I can never seem to stay attentive with only one thing going on. It's rare that I can. I love to sit and listen to music, but I google games to play, and play whatever boring arcade game I can with it's sound muted. I just need something to take up a little more of my brain space I guess. Unless something really demands my full attention because it's particularly interesting or difficult, I'll lose track of it if I don't have something else going on too, which seems odd. There are times when all I want to do is sit and listen to music. Times like now, where the music is just hitting me, songs that just go straight to an emotional level. Tonight there have been a few.
"You're Going Down" by Sick Puppies
"Fall To Pieces" - Velvet Revolver
"Wasting My Time" - Default
And pretty much anything by Bullet for My Valentine, especially off of the album "Fever."
For some reason Rush's "Red Barchetta" has been getting to me off and on lately. It took me a little while to figure out why. I mean, besides the fact that it's a beautiful song, which it is. It's a song about a car. Which seems like it would be typical pop-rock fluff. Girls and cars, booze, yeah sure whatever. It's not though.
In a society where motor vehicles are banned (which today is eerily realistic) and "eyes" are watching everywhere (again, frightening.) A man eludes the cameras, hops the turbine freight and heads to his Uncles place, which used to be a farm, before the motor law. Where his uncle has preserved for him an old car, from "a better, vanished time."
So he takes this old car out, races through the countryside. He doesn't just take any car, though, he takes a brilliant red Ferrari Barchetta. And if anyone can paint a picture with lyrics, it's Neil Peart.
Wind
In my hair
Shifting and drifting
Mechanical music
Adrenaline surge...
Well-weathered leather,
Hot metal and oil,
The scented country air.
Sunlight on chrome,
The blur of the landscape,
Every nerve aware.
The man is eventually approached by a "Gleaming alloy air-car," an Orwellian police vehicle, 2-lanes wide, shooting towards him.
Suddenly ahead of me
Across the mountainside
A gleaming alloy air-car
Shoots towards me, two lanes wide.
I spin around with shrieking tires
To run the deadly race
Go screaming through the valley
As another joins the chase.
While screaming through the valley the man is "Laughing out loud with fear and hope, I've got a desperate plan." And he leaves the "giants" stranded as he crosses a 1 lane bridge over the river, and returns to drink with his uncle by the fire side.
It took me a while, to think about it, and figure out why I'm loving this song right now. Sometimes I'd think of it, but choose another song because I wanted something I could explicitly connect with, lyrically. Silly me. But I do LOVE the fact that I really had to think about it. I love the fact that it's metaphor, and it is also a literal story. That's part of the reason I hate pop music. It's too easy, it's too simple, like they assume I'm stupid, and I need to be spoon fed. Case in point, I've looked up some music I used to listen to. It is pedestrian. I've found two songs, about basically the same thing, and the contrast is stark.
Here's how pop music says it:
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
It's too easy. It comes off like whiny little kids. It makes them seem stupid and me feel stupid for listening to it. I can't connect with that. Here's how Metallica says it:
Where do I take this pain of mine?
I run but it stays right by my side
So tear me open and pour me out
There's things inside that scream and shout
And the pain still hates me
So hold me until it sleeps
Just like the curse, just like the stray
You feed it once and now it stays
Now it stays
So tear me open but beware
There's things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me until I'm clean
There's SO much more meaning in those words. The image of pain as a stray, something you allow in once, you let yourself dwell on and "feed" one time and now it stays. Something deep inside, something that can't be easily let out, something that requires you to be TORN open, something that stays inside and screams and shouts at you. And if someone else is going to try and help they have to watch out because those things inside don't care for them either. THAT is music. That has meaning. That has power. It's the beauty of vague and metaphorical lyrics. I can listen to a song James Hetfield wrote about the death of his mother to cancer, and I can hear it singing about whatever I'm dealing with.
This is why I love "Red Barchetta." Because it's about freedom. In every sense. It's about escaping an oppressive tyranny and it's about escaping yourself. It doesn't make your problems go away but it leaves them behind for a time. He escapes and tears through the mountainside and the valley at high speed. He doesn't just take a small black sedan. No, he takes a gleaming, bright RED Ferrari. He takes a car that is the essence of luxury. Something that in it's nature and even in it's color screams defiance. It screams defiance of the motor law and it screams defiance of his troubles. He takes something that is forbidden to him and runs with it, for no reason other than his own selfish pleasure. You can smell the well-weathered leather, the hot metal and oil and the country air. The escape, the freedom of driving, and driving that car that fast. Even when he's confronted by the huge, bulking air-cars, that surely mean imprisonment and probably death, he laughs, he laughs in defiance of what they are and their inability to ever touch him. He laughs because the air-cars, his troubles, whatever he is running from can never catch him. That feeling of just driving, the wind in your face and hair, and the idea of "every nerve aware" is incredible. Even when he's being chased, the feeling of freedom and happiness remains.
Sometimes it almost seems like cheating to use these lyrics here, so often like I do. Because then I don't have to think of the words, they're already there. I do it because I really can't say it any better myself. They already have, and the medium that they've done it in is much more powerful than my rambling. It would be cool if I could (and I probably can I'm just lazy) post the music too, and get the full impact. So if English teachers want to nail me and say THIS is why poetry is important then fine. They just picked the wrong ones for us to study. When the music, the vocals, the lyrics, all come together and create an emotion and a message, that is a great song. I don't care if they swear, I don't care if they scream, I don't care if they are straight up 4/4 every song or hitting the weirdest time signatures in my collection. I care about the emotion.
Even if it weren't for this kind of connection I get with songs in my headphones, music is still outrageously important. I don't think there is one single decision that has influenced my life more than joining band. I challenge anyone to find one that's affected more. A lot of the other big decisions were consequences of that one. Not even what decision I made but the fact that whatever it was even came up, probably was the result, however removed and indirectly, of that decision. It's especially the people in it, it always is with anything. That's why I jumped up and down in the stands at the IU game today and wanted to hug somebody when Goshen got 2nd at State. That's why I still care how well they do. I mean, I literally can't think of something that would definitely be the same if I hadn't joined band. I mean, all the people I know closely, which shapes who I am, and even the utter shit that I've been dealing with for a while is the result of band. That sounds like a complaint, but it isn't. It's because of the good that I deal with crap, sort of. And so much of the good, separate of this situation is the result of band. Even when times are difficult it's even harder, for me at least, to wish things had gone differently, or to think about changing a long ago, far reaching decision. Because who knows where you'd be? And eventually I have to think that it is going to be good.
This turned out a hell of a lot longer than I thought it would. I just started writing, ironically, as a distraction while I listened to music, because I got tired of the games I was playing. So I'm going to continue posting lyrics in these, because there's power in them, and they're often much better with words than I am. Every once in a while, too, you get the perfect song, to sum everything up. Even a song about music:
Begin the day with a friendly voice,
A companion unobtrusive
Plays the song that's so elusive
And the magic music makes your morning mood.
Off on your way, hit the open road,
There is magic at your fingers
For the Spirit ever lingers,
Undemanding contact in your happy solitude.
Chorus
Invisible airwaves crackle with life
Bright antennae bristle with the energy
Emotional feedback on timeless wavelength
Bearing a gift beyond price, almost free
All this machinery making modern music
Can still be open-hearted.
Not so coldly charted
It's really just a question of your honesty, yeah,
Your honesty.
One likes to believe in the freedom of music,
But glittering prizes and endless compromises
Shatter the illusion of integrity.
Chorus
"For the words of the profits were written on the studio wall,
Concert hall
And echoes with the sounds of salesmen, of salesmen, of salesmen!"
"The Spirit of the Radio" - Rush
"You're Going Down" by Sick Puppies
"Fall To Pieces" - Velvet Revolver
"Wasting My Time" - Default
And pretty much anything by Bullet for My Valentine, especially off of the album "Fever."
For some reason Rush's "Red Barchetta" has been getting to me off and on lately. It took me a little while to figure out why. I mean, besides the fact that it's a beautiful song, which it is. It's a song about a car. Which seems like it would be typical pop-rock fluff. Girls and cars, booze, yeah sure whatever. It's not though.
In a society where motor vehicles are banned (which today is eerily realistic) and "eyes" are watching everywhere (again, frightening.) A man eludes the cameras, hops the turbine freight and heads to his Uncles place, which used to be a farm, before the motor law. Where his uncle has preserved for him an old car, from "a better, vanished time."
So he takes this old car out, races through the countryside. He doesn't just take any car, though, he takes a brilliant red Ferrari Barchetta. And if anyone can paint a picture with lyrics, it's Neil Peart.
Wind
In my hair
Shifting and drifting
Mechanical music
Adrenaline surge...
Well-weathered leather,
Hot metal and oil,
The scented country air.
Sunlight on chrome,
The blur of the landscape,
Every nerve aware.
The man is eventually approached by a "Gleaming alloy air-car," an Orwellian police vehicle, 2-lanes wide, shooting towards him.
Suddenly ahead of me
Across the mountainside
A gleaming alloy air-car
Shoots towards me, two lanes wide.
I spin around with shrieking tires
To run the deadly race
Go screaming through the valley
As another joins the chase.
While screaming through the valley the man is "Laughing out loud with fear and hope, I've got a desperate plan." And he leaves the "giants" stranded as he crosses a 1 lane bridge over the river, and returns to drink with his uncle by the fire side.
It took me a while, to think about it, and figure out why I'm loving this song right now. Sometimes I'd think of it, but choose another song because I wanted something I could explicitly connect with, lyrically. Silly me. But I do LOVE the fact that I really had to think about it. I love the fact that it's metaphor, and it is also a literal story. That's part of the reason I hate pop music. It's too easy, it's too simple, like they assume I'm stupid, and I need to be spoon fed. Case in point, I've looked up some music I used to listen to. It is pedestrian. I've found two songs, about basically the same thing, and the contrast is stark.
Here's how pop music says it:
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
It's too easy. It comes off like whiny little kids. It makes them seem stupid and me feel stupid for listening to it. I can't connect with that. Here's how Metallica says it:
Where do I take this pain of mine?
I run but it stays right by my side
So tear me open and pour me out
There's things inside that scream and shout
And the pain still hates me
So hold me until it sleeps
Just like the curse, just like the stray
You feed it once and now it stays
Now it stays
So tear me open but beware
There's things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me until I'm clean
There's SO much more meaning in those words. The image of pain as a stray, something you allow in once, you let yourself dwell on and "feed" one time and now it stays. Something deep inside, something that can't be easily let out, something that requires you to be TORN open, something that stays inside and screams and shouts at you. And if someone else is going to try and help they have to watch out because those things inside don't care for them either. THAT is music. That has meaning. That has power. It's the beauty of vague and metaphorical lyrics. I can listen to a song James Hetfield wrote about the death of his mother to cancer, and I can hear it singing about whatever I'm dealing with.
This is why I love "Red Barchetta." Because it's about freedom. In every sense. It's about escaping an oppressive tyranny and it's about escaping yourself. It doesn't make your problems go away but it leaves them behind for a time. He escapes and tears through the mountainside and the valley at high speed. He doesn't just take a small black sedan. No, he takes a gleaming, bright RED Ferrari. He takes a car that is the essence of luxury. Something that in it's nature and even in it's color screams defiance. It screams defiance of the motor law and it screams defiance of his troubles. He takes something that is forbidden to him and runs with it, for no reason other than his own selfish pleasure. You can smell the well-weathered leather, the hot metal and oil and the country air. The escape, the freedom of driving, and driving that car that fast. Even when he's confronted by the huge, bulking air-cars, that surely mean imprisonment and probably death, he laughs, he laughs in defiance of what they are and their inability to ever touch him. He laughs because the air-cars, his troubles, whatever he is running from can never catch him. That feeling of just driving, the wind in your face and hair, and the idea of "every nerve aware" is incredible. Even when he's being chased, the feeling of freedom and happiness remains.
Sometimes it almost seems like cheating to use these lyrics here, so often like I do. Because then I don't have to think of the words, they're already there. I do it because I really can't say it any better myself. They already have, and the medium that they've done it in is much more powerful than my rambling. It would be cool if I could (and I probably can I'm just lazy) post the music too, and get the full impact. So if English teachers want to nail me and say THIS is why poetry is important then fine. They just picked the wrong ones for us to study. When the music, the vocals, the lyrics, all come together and create an emotion and a message, that is a great song. I don't care if they swear, I don't care if they scream, I don't care if they are straight up 4/4 every song or hitting the weirdest time signatures in my collection. I care about the emotion.
Even if it weren't for this kind of connection I get with songs in my headphones, music is still outrageously important. I don't think there is one single decision that has influenced my life more than joining band. I challenge anyone to find one that's affected more. A lot of the other big decisions were consequences of that one. Not even what decision I made but the fact that whatever it was even came up, probably was the result, however removed and indirectly, of that decision. It's especially the people in it, it always is with anything. That's why I jumped up and down in the stands at the IU game today and wanted to hug somebody when Goshen got 2nd at State. That's why I still care how well they do. I mean, I literally can't think of something that would definitely be the same if I hadn't joined band. I mean, all the people I know closely, which shapes who I am, and even the utter shit that I've been dealing with for a while is the result of band. That sounds like a complaint, but it isn't. It's because of the good that I deal with crap, sort of. And so much of the good, separate of this situation is the result of band. Even when times are difficult it's even harder, for me at least, to wish things had gone differently, or to think about changing a long ago, far reaching decision. Because who knows where you'd be? And eventually I have to think that it is going to be good.
This turned out a hell of a lot longer than I thought it would. I just started writing, ironically, as a distraction while I listened to music, because I got tired of the games I was playing. So I'm going to continue posting lyrics in these, because there's power in them, and they're often much better with words than I am. Every once in a while, too, you get the perfect song, to sum everything up. Even a song about music:
Begin the day with a friendly voice,
A companion unobtrusive
Plays the song that's so elusive
And the magic music makes your morning mood.
Off on your way, hit the open road,
There is magic at your fingers
For the Spirit ever lingers,
Undemanding contact in your happy solitude.
Chorus
Invisible airwaves crackle with life
Bright antennae bristle with the energy
Emotional feedback on timeless wavelength
Bearing a gift beyond price, almost free
All this machinery making modern music
Can still be open-hearted.
Not so coldly charted
It's really just a question of your honesty, yeah,
Your honesty.
One likes to believe in the freedom of music,
But glittering prizes and endless compromises
Shatter the illusion of integrity.
Chorus
"For the words of the profits were written on the studio wall,
Concert hall
And echoes with the sounds of salesmen, of salesmen, of salesmen!"
"The Spirit of the Radio" - Rush
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Right Here, Waiting
Hmm, what to talk about without being repetitive . . . I've been a one-track record for long enough I'm even starting to annoy myself.
Indiana's football season is all but over, with a pathetic skin of our teeth victory over Arkansas State, followed by a beat down courtesy of Illinois, we're best case scenario going 2-3 the rest of the season. The only teams we have a shot at beating are Northwestern and Purdue, and those aren't certain at all. So best case scenario we end the season 6-6. Hopefully basketball goes a little bit better than that.
This weekend is going to be busy. Exam today, not sure how I did. Exam tomorrow at 8am, class till 12, Hundred at 4, then "Night of the Living Red" basketball scrimmage at 7:30 that band has to play at. Which means that it will likely be a late night, followed by an early morning for the Northwestern game.
Election Tuesday, and I'm not even sold on voting. Any election I'm registered to vote in isn't even going to be close anyway, none of the important ones. I wouldn't vote for anyone who has a shot anyway. I would vote straight Libertarian except for the lack of qualified candidates. I suppose, to be fair, it's not as though they really have opportunity to become qualified through experience since they can't win. I'm not going to vote for someone just because they're the lesser of a slew of evils and I'm not going to endorse someone with my vote unless I actually think they'd do well.
Ron Paul was great. He's the real deal. He actually believes in liberty, in smaller government, he is not a typical Republican. He is definitely a libertarian. I probably go even farther than he does. I was very encouraged by the response he received in the auditorium. Maybe there is hope, but one thing is certain, this election is not going to change anything. The Republicans don't believe in liberty, generally, much more than the Democrats. They just want to control different things. At first anyway because eventually they'll want to control everything regardless of where they start.
Let's see, I tried another chinese place, Fortune Cookie, which was quite good, maybe a little expensive, but take out orders are always more expensive than a buffet. I'm very proud of Goshen Marching Band, I really wish I could be there Saturday. They better do well because I've put up with some trash talk and I've got a 'friendly' wager on them to beat Jasper. They'd better pull it off.
This week has been a little stressful, 2 papers due, 2 exams and another on Monday, basketball gig and football game for band, in addition to general homework for classes daily. Plus still trying to connect with people.
With regards to that I just feel like I'm treading water. Which becomes exhausting and unsatisfying. I've found people that I like, yes, but not even in the same building to the people I had before. I've found people that I like but not people that I connect with. I'm finding people who are largely defined by X or Y and I know them or connect with them on just that one level, but not beyond it. Certainly people have been extremely supportive and I've met a lot of really great people, but that doesn't mean I'm going to connect with any of them.
It is going to be difficult to find any kind of group like I had before, because we were all different in many ways and yet the same. I didn't find that group by joining this or that and knowing them through that. The people I've met are defined by things that I don't define myself by. I don't want it to be this way, I don't want to change myself and I'm not going to be satisfied with pseudo and half-way friendships. I'm not going to really be satisfied until I find something like what I had before. The only problem is that there's no where to look for that. The closest place I could go to specifically look for that is over 100 miles to the Northeast.
So I guess for now all I can really do is keep treading water. There's not really anything else to do. It's not been bad I guess, just a level of indifference. Bland is probably a pretty close word. Bland. Just, whatever, bored.
This week has been busy so I guess it's been moving at a decent speed. I'm still just looking forward without excitement. I think breaks are going to be difficult too, or at best just extremely rapid breaths of air. I'm sure it will be fulfilling eventually but right now I'm still just waiting. Waiting for breaks, waiting for answers, waiting for results. But I'm also aware that that is all I can do. I can't change where I'm at, where I'm going, or most importantly, what I want. So I just have to wait and eventually those things will either be fulfilled or will change.
Maybe tomorrow I'll go buy a couple Bullet for My Valentine CD's or something. Maybe I'll get a 360. I don't know. Nothing seems particularly exciting.
The hardest part this troubled heart
Has ever yet been through now
Was heal the scars that got their start
Inside someone like you now
For had I known or I been shown
Back when, how long it'd take me
To break the charms that brought me harm
And all but would erase me
I never won or thought I could
No matter what you'd pay me
Replay the part, you stole my heart
I should have known you're crazy
If all I knew was that with you
I'd want someone to save me
It'd be enough, but just my luck
I fell in love and maybe
All that I wanted was
Now I know you better
You know, I know better
Now I know you better
So bittersweet, this tragedy
Won't ask for absolution
This melody inside of me
Still searches for solution
A twist of faith a change of heart
Cures my infatuation
A broken heart provides the spark
For my determination
"Better" - Guns N' Roses
Indiana's football season is all but over, with a pathetic skin of our teeth victory over Arkansas State, followed by a beat down courtesy of Illinois, we're best case scenario going 2-3 the rest of the season. The only teams we have a shot at beating are Northwestern and Purdue, and those aren't certain at all. So best case scenario we end the season 6-6. Hopefully basketball goes a little bit better than that.
This weekend is going to be busy. Exam today, not sure how I did. Exam tomorrow at 8am, class till 12, Hundred at 4, then "Night of the Living Red" basketball scrimmage at 7:30 that band has to play at. Which means that it will likely be a late night, followed by an early morning for the Northwestern game.
Election Tuesday, and I'm not even sold on voting. Any election I'm registered to vote in isn't even going to be close anyway, none of the important ones. I wouldn't vote for anyone who has a shot anyway. I would vote straight Libertarian except for the lack of qualified candidates. I suppose, to be fair, it's not as though they really have opportunity to become qualified through experience since they can't win. I'm not going to vote for someone just because they're the lesser of a slew of evils and I'm not going to endorse someone with my vote unless I actually think they'd do well.
Ron Paul was great. He's the real deal. He actually believes in liberty, in smaller government, he is not a typical Republican. He is definitely a libertarian. I probably go even farther than he does. I was very encouraged by the response he received in the auditorium. Maybe there is hope, but one thing is certain, this election is not going to change anything. The Republicans don't believe in liberty, generally, much more than the Democrats. They just want to control different things. At first anyway because eventually they'll want to control everything regardless of where they start.
Let's see, I tried another chinese place, Fortune Cookie, which was quite good, maybe a little expensive, but take out orders are always more expensive than a buffet. I'm very proud of Goshen Marching Band, I really wish I could be there Saturday. They better do well because I've put up with some trash talk and I've got a 'friendly' wager on them to beat Jasper. They'd better pull it off.
This week has been a little stressful, 2 papers due, 2 exams and another on Monday, basketball gig and football game for band, in addition to general homework for classes daily. Plus still trying to connect with people.
With regards to that I just feel like I'm treading water. Which becomes exhausting and unsatisfying. I've found people that I like, yes, but not even in the same building to the people I had before. I've found people that I like but not people that I connect with. I'm finding people who are largely defined by X or Y and I know them or connect with them on just that one level, but not beyond it. Certainly people have been extremely supportive and I've met a lot of really great people, but that doesn't mean I'm going to connect with any of them.
It is going to be difficult to find any kind of group like I had before, because we were all different in many ways and yet the same. I didn't find that group by joining this or that and knowing them through that. The people I've met are defined by things that I don't define myself by. I don't want it to be this way, I don't want to change myself and I'm not going to be satisfied with pseudo and half-way friendships. I'm not going to really be satisfied until I find something like what I had before. The only problem is that there's no where to look for that. The closest place I could go to specifically look for that is over 100 miles to the Northeast.
So I guess for now all I can really do is keep treading water. There's not really anything else to do. It's not been bad I guess, just a level of indifference. Bland is probably a pretty close word. Bland. Just, whatever, bored.
This week has been busy so I guess it's been moving at a decent speed. I'm still just looking forward without excitement. I think breaks are going to be difficult too, or at best just extremely rapid breaths of air. I'm sure it will be fulfilling eventually but right now I'm still just waiting. Waiting for breaks, waiting for answers, waiting for results. But I'm also aware that that is all I can do. I can't change where I'm at, where I'm going, or most importantly, what I want. So I just have to wait and eventually those things will either be fulfilled or will change.
Maybe tomorrow I'll go buy a couple Bullet for My Valentine CD's or something. Maybe I'll get a 360. I don't know. Nothing seems particularly exciting.
The hardest part this troubled heart
Has ever yet been through now
Was heal the scars that got their start
Inside someone like you now
For had I known or I been shown
Back when, how long it'd take me
To break the charms that brought me harm
And all but would erase me
I never won or thought I could
No matter what you'd pay me
Replay the part, you stole my heart
I should have known you're crazy
If all I knew was that with you
I'd want someone to save me
It'd be enough, but just my luck
I fell in love and maybe
All that I wanted was
Now I know you better
You know, I know better
Now I know you better
So bittersweet, this tragedy
Won't ask for absolution
This melody inside of me
Still searches for solution
A twist of faith a change of heart
Cures my infatuation
A broken heart provides the spark
For my determination
"Better" - Guns N' Roses
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Hearts Burst Into Fire
Waiting sucks. Waiting Sucks Waiting SUCKS.
Waiting for things to get better is particularly hard. And the longer the waiting goes the harder it gets. The rate at which it gets harder increases too. It's one thing to have a problem you can tackle, something to face, rather than something to sit and take. Something to be endured, not beaten.
The last 2 weeks have been tough. I've talked to so many people, and I think Joel put it well, in that I don't have stability with anything. I don't have stability with faith, I don't have stability in relationships, I don't have stability in school and I'm disconnected from the things that I do have stability with, just by space.
The fact that I've been having problems has lead to some solutions, however.
For one thing, with certain things there needs to be a concrete end with the old before a different beginning. Being on the edge of emotional, physical and mental exhaustion finally pushed me enough to make that happen.
Having problems made me seek help from people here, which made connections. In the absolute worst part of it, being at the lowest point emotionally while on a public bus, I eventually was lead to meet people. In asking for support from literally everyone I could, in a way I never ever saw myself doing, I was lead to meet with Nancy and Joel for lunch. And Joel seemed to be able to connect to what I was going through. It also lead to meeting more people, from getting together to watch House, to a poker night, to Bible Study and then hanging out at an apartment. I just now realized I've been out every night this week. So I met a few guys who do that who I like, and we'll see how that goes. And that in one way or another is going to help explore the stability with faith.
School, I still don't enjoy my classes enough to encourage me that I've picked the right things. But I do still have the skill set to be a lawyer. And I have the intelligence and the capacity for discussion that there is something that I want to do, I just have to find out exactly how to shape my courses around that. Maybe just be more aggressive and have more fun with my classes.
Of course they're little things that just add to it, but eventually they don't add up to much and they go away.
Then there's the big issue. Ugh. That's the part where waiting is hard. Because I can put too much into it, I can put to much stress on it and make it worse. It's hard to hear about, and it's insanely hard to have to watch. But I REALLY have to be patient or I make things worse. I have to back off a little, which is freakin hard but in the long run does more good. I also can't demand too much, or get over bearing. And for my own sake I have to calm down or I'll just drag myself down and never be satisfied. I still don't know if the weekend was good for it. I found out that I can put too much pressure. But at least we're back to what we were before, really close and happy with each other. Because it is definitely better to be that than to be awkward, upset and distant.
Joel put things well about this too. And I don't remember exactly what he said, other than generally speaking. That that issue is the one I'm focusing all my attention on and seems more important than anything else and has the most bearing on everything else too. But Nick (new Nick, just met him today, I mean yesterday, ugh it's almost 1) said something at the study that I really really really need to remember and definitely be reminded of when I forget. He said it stream of consciousness, so I had to think of a succinct way to put it, he basically said:
"Without the struggle and the trials, the reward wouldn't mean as much. The goal at the end is made more valuable for the chase."
I just have to focus on that when I think about the big one. That if/when the struggle is finally over it'll be all the more valuable for it. And I suppose if it doesn't then it'll be because something else took over.
Things have been looking up the last 3 days, (after the pit that was Sunday night that's really not saying much, however.) But history has shown me that does not mean it's over, or close to over. And I'm certain that I'm still going to be down some days, maybe go lower, I can't say that it's over because I thought things were getting better a while ago and then it got even harder.
And it's still not like I'm happy about the issue. I mean, how could I be? And I'm pretty sure that's still gonna be a tough pill to swallow daily, and I'm still gonna be really melancholy about it. Music helps, and hurts. Because I can relate to it and it connects on an emotional level, but on the other hand it's not a great emotional level so I'm connecting with something that makes me conscious of the pain. But sometimes I hear a song and go "Damn! This is exactly, to a T, 100% where I'm at. Every. Single. Lyric."
I'm coming home
I've been gone for far too long
Do you remember me at all?
I'm leaving
Have I fucked things up again?
I'm dreaming
Too much time without you spent,
It hurts
Wounds so sore
Now I'm torn, now I'm torn
I've been far away
When I see your face my
Heart's burst into fire
Heart's burst into fire
You're not alone
I know I'm far from home
Do you remember me at all?
I'm leaving
Do you wait for me again?
I'm screaming
No more days without you spent
It hurts
Wounds so sore
Now I'm torn, now I'm torn
I've been far away
When I see your face my
Heart's burst into fire
Heart's burst into fire
My beds so cold, so lonely
No arms, just sheets to hold me
Has this world stopped turning?
Are we forever to be apart?
Forever to be apart,
It hurts
Wounds so sore
Now I'm torn, now I'm sore
I've been far away
When I see your face my
Heart's burst into fire
Heart's burst into fire
(I'm coming home)
I've been gone for far too long
(I'm coming home)
Do you remember me at all?
Do you remember me at all?
I'm leaving
I'm screaming
I'm dreaming
When hearts burst into fire
"Hearts Burst Into Fire" - Bullet for My Valentine.
Waiting for things to get better is particularly hard. And the longer the waiting goes the harder it gets. The rate at which it gets harder increases too. It's one thing to have a problem you can tackle, something to face, rather than something to sit and take. Something to be endured, not beaten.
The last 2 weeks have been tough. I've talked to so many people, and I think Joel put it well, in that I don't have stability with anything. I don't have stability with faith, I don't have stability in relationships, I don't have stability in school and I'm disconnected from the things that I do have stability with, just by space.
The fact that I've been having problems has lead to some solutions, however.
For one thing, with certain things there needs to be a concrete end with the old before a different beginning. Being on the edge of emotional, physical and mental exhaustion finally pushed me enough to make that happen.
Having problems made me seek help from people here, which made connections. In the absolute worst part of it, being at the lowest point emotionally while on a public bus, I eventually was lead to meet people. In asking for support from literally everyone I could, in a way I never ever saw myself doing, I was lead to meet with Nancy and Joel for lunch. And Joel seemed to be able to connect to what I was going through. It also lead to meeting more people, from getting together to watch House, to a poker night, to Bible Study and then hanging out at an apartment. I just now realized I've been out every night this week. So I met a few guys who do that who I like, and we'll see how that goes. And that in one way or another is going to help explore the stability with faith.
School, I still don't enjoy my classes enough to encourage me that I've picked the right things. But I do still have the skill set to be a lawyer. And I have the intelligence and the capacity for discussion that there is something that I want to do, I just have to find out exactly how to shape my courses around that. Maybe just be more aggressive and have more fun with my classes.
Of course they're little things that just add to it, but eventually they don't add up to much and they go away.
Then there's the big issue. Ugh. That's the part where waiting is hard. Because I can put too much into it, I can put to much stress on it and make it worse. It's hard to hear about, and it's insanely hard to have to watch. But I REALLY have to be patient or I make things worse. I have to back off a little, which is freakin hard but in the long run does more good. I also can't demand too much, or get over bearing. And for my own sake I have to calm down or I'll just drag myself down and never be satisfied. I still don't know if the weekend was good for it. I found out that I can put too much pressure. But at least we're back to what we were before, really close and happy with each other. Because it is definitely better to be that than to be awkward, upset and distant.
Joel put things well about this too. And I don't remember exactly what he said, other than generally speaking. That that issue is the one I'm focusing all my attention on and seems more important than anything else and has the most bearing on everything else too. But Nick (new Nick, just met him today, I mean yesterday, ugh it's almost 1) said something at the study that I really really really need to remember and definitely be reminded of when I forget. He said it stream of consciousness, so I had to think of a succinct way to put it, he basically said:
"Without the struggle and the trials, the reward wouldn't mean as much. The goal at the end is made more valuable for the chase."
I just have to focus on that when I think about the big one. That if/when the struggle is finally over it'll be all the more valuable for it. And I suppose if it doesn't then it'll be because something else took over.
Things have been looking up the last 3 days, (after the pit that was Sunday night that's really not saying much, however.) But history has shown me that does not mean it's over, or close to over. And I'm certain that I'm still going to be down some days, maybe go lower, I can't say that it's over because I thought things were getting better a while ago and then it got even harder.
And it's still not like I'm happy about the issue. I mean, how could I be? And I'm pretty sure that's still gonna be a tough pill to swallow daily, and I'm still gonna be really melancholy about it. Music helps, and hurts. Because I can relate to it and it connects on an emotional level, but on the other hand it's not a great emotional level so I'm connecting with something that makes me conscious of the pain. But sometimes I hear a song and go "Damn! This is exactly, to a T, 100% where I'm at. Every. Single. Lyric."
I'm coming home
I've been gone for far too long
Do you remember me at all?
I'm leaving
Have I fucked things up again?
I'm dreaming
Too much time without you spent,
It hurts
Wounds so sore
Now I'm torn, now I'm torn
I've been far away
When I see your face my
Heart's burst into fire
Heart's burst into fire
You're not alone
I know I'm far from home
Do you remember me at all?
I'm leaving
Do you wait for me again?
I'm screaming
No more days without you spent
It hurts
Wounds so sore
Now I'm torn, now I'm torn
I've been far away
When I see your face my
Heart's burst into fire
Heart's burst into fire
My beds so cold, so lonely
No arms, just sheets to hold me
Has this world stopped turning?
Are we forever to be apart?
Forever to be apart,
It hurts
Wounds so sore
Now I'm torn, now I'm sore
I've been far away
When I see your face my
Heart's burst into fire
Heart's burst into fire
(I'm coming home)
I've been gone for far too long
(I'm coming home)
Do you remember me at all?
Do you remember me at all?
I'm leaving
I'm screaming
I'm dreaming
When hearts burst into fire
"Hearts Burst Into Fire" - Bullet for My Valentine.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Santa Claus vs the Martians!
Let's see,
On Friday a bunch of us went to Emily's dorm room to hang out. That was the first thing I've really done since I met the Objectivist people Sunday. We watched several episodes of MXC, which was great. Especially because Libby had a bottle of "water" and her reaction to the show was funnier than the show itself several times. We played Mega Bomberman, which is always extremely fun. For some reason I sucked it UP that night, Victor got a little annoyed when we were on a team, ha. But with Emily and Nick as my witnesses I WAS good at that game before!
Then Emily, Nick and I stayed up until 1 watching Mystery Space Time Theater 3000 does "Santa Claus vs the Martians." Which is where they take the absolute worst possible movies they can find and make fun of them.
sample; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbfUklQmjUg&p=0D1959F8FD1E205C&playnext=1&index=3
I'm really glad we did that. I was tired but now I can say I stayed up till 1 doing something obscure like watching MST3K. The night before an exam too, (I did fine) That just seems like something you should do at least once in college.
Akron game was fun. I played on the field with over 1000 people, which was new. The music was mediocre at best, because most of those 1000 people were from HS bands, and there is a reason they didn't go to competitions on Saturday.
I'm going to drop my philosophy minor. It is an utter waste of time. The Philosophy course I'm in is for complete novices to philosophy. And I've been thinking about this stuff for years. It's insanity. I want to talk about epistemology and metaphysics and morality and we're not anywhere near that stuff. I read essays I would've failed had I gotten them from middle school students. It's pathetic. I think a lot of my classes are just jokes. I should be further ahead.
This week has been going fine, 3rd and (for now) last exam tomorrow. I'm a little anxious, but not too much, I'll do fine. Classes are just classes, nothing to say on them.
Game went well, besides the obvious. Crowd was INSANE, and I've never yelled so much during a football game.
Thus ends the recap. I feel like I need something more pointed, but that's all I have for now. Just felt I should post something since it has been over a week.
I'm outta luck, outta love
Gotta photograph, picture of
Passion killer, you're too much
You're the only one I wanna touch
I see your face every time I dream
On every page, every magazine
So wild so free so far from me
You're all I want, my fantasy
Oh, look what you've done to this rock 'n' roll clown
Oh Oh, look what you've done
Photograph - I don't want your
Photograph - I don't need your
Photograph - All I've got is a photograph
But it's not enough
I'd be your lover, if you were there
Put your hurt on me, if you dare
Such a woman, you got style
You make every man feel like a child
You got some kinda hold on me
You're all wrapped up in mystery
So wild so free so far from me
You're all I want, my fantasy
Oh, Look what you've done to this rock'n'roll clown
Oh Oh, Look what you've done
You've gone straight to my head
"Photograph" - Def Leppard
(awesome cover by Carlos Santana and Chris Daughtry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gjCn70d6iA )
On Friday a bunch of us went to Emily's dorm room to hang out. That was the first thing I've really done since I met the Objectivist people Sunday. We watched several episodes of MXC, which was great. Especially because Libby had a bottle of "water" and her reaction to the show was funnier than the show itself several times. We played Mega Bomberman, which is always extremely fun. For some reason I sucked it UP that night, Victor got a little annoyed when we were on a team, ha. But with Emily and Nick as my witnesses I WAS good at that game before!
Then Emily, Nick and I stayed up until 1 watching Mystery Space Time Theater 3000 does "Santa Claus vs the Martians." Which is where they take the absolute worst possible movies they can find and make fun of them.
sample; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbfUklQmjUg&p=0D1959F8FD1E205C&playnext=1&index=3
I'm really glad we did that. I was tired but now I can say I stayed up till 1 doing something obscure like watching MST3K. The night before an exam too, (I did fine) That just seems like something you should do at least once in college.
Akron game was fun. I played on the field with over 1000 people, which was new. The music was mediocre at best, because most of those 1000 people were from HS bands, and there is a reason they didn't go to competitions on Saturday.
I'm going to drop my philosophy minor. It is an utter waste of time. The Philosophy course I'm in is for complete novices to philosophy. And I've been thinking about this stuff for years. It's insanity. I want to talk about epistemology and metaphysics and morality and we're not anywhere near that stuff. I read essays I would've failed had I gotten them from middle school students. It's pathetic. I think a lot of my classes are just jokes. I should be further ahead.
This week has been going fine, 3rd and (for now) last exam tomorrow. I'm a little anxious, but not too much, I'll do fine. Classes are just classes, nothing to say on them.
Game went well, besides the obvious. Crowd was INSANE, and I've never yelled so much during a football game.
Thus ends the recap. I feel like I need something more pointed, but that's all I have for now. Just felt I should post something since it has been over a week.
I'm outta luck, outta love
Gotta photograph, picture of
Passion killer, you're too much
You're the only one I wanna touch
I see your face every time I dream
On every page, every magazine
So wild so free so far from me
You're all I want, my fantasy
Oh, look what you've done to this rock 'n' roll clown
Oh Oh, look what you've done
Photograph - I don't want your
Photograph - I don't need your
Photograph - All I've got is a photograph
But it's not enough
I'd be your lover, if you were there
Put your hurt on me, if you dare
Such a woman, you got style
You make every man feel like a child
You got some kinda hold on me
You're all wrapped up in mystery
So wild so free so far from me
You're all I want, my fantasy
Oh, Look what you've done to this rock'n'roll clown
Oh Oh, Look what you've done
You've gone straight to my head
"Photograph" - Def Leppard
(awesome cover by Carlos Santana and Chris Daughtry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gjCn70d6iA )
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Brought Up To Believe
College campuses are like mecca for anyone with an opinion or a belief to extol. I guess they think that college kids are easily manipulated. Which is at least somewhat true. I mean, most college kids are trying to figure out where they are, questioning their beliefs, putting them to the test. It is part of the whole college thing. It always seems like the crazy people are the ones that are the most vigorous. Today we had what turned out to be just one family, parents and a daughter, out prophesying on the lawn near the largest building of classes.
I'm probably not the only one who is immediately turned off by people carrying signs like these people were. I don't know what it is about psychology, maybe it's the color scheme or something, someone should look into it. But whenever anyone has a crazy message to spout they always seem to have the same kinds of signs.
These were about repentance and how we are sinners in the hands of an angry God. After my philosophy class they were still there, and had been for a couple hours probably. So I stayed and watched.
The guy started spouting off about this that and the other, and attracted a group of kids watching, which was actually quite large. The overwhelming vibe from the kids was opposition to this guy. Some heckled and made jokes, and others argued with him and just tried to get their point through him by being respectful.
I wasn't focusing a whole lot for 2 reasons. 1 was that I'd already got the jist of it, and at least the general aim, and I was seriously thinking about it internally, and have been thinking about stuff of that nature for a while. The second was it was a lot of meaningless babble half the time where there was no real meaning.
He basically at one point lamented us all, especially the males at first, for going to college. Because we should be learning or already have learned a trade like carpentry. And we should be married and supporting a family. The girls on the other hand are 18, 19, 20 an apparently should be having babies already. He was concerned that they're going to end up Old Maids. "OR if some of you have already lost your maidenhood you'll just become old hags!"
And it was just an irritation and something to get a bit angry about at first, saying completely ridiculous things. But then he actually brought his daughter out, and said he was looking for a husband for her (apparently on a campus of heathens.) She's 19. And she looks pretty normal. And she started to talk and ask questions, and I don't know how she managed to do it. I would NEVER have gotten in front of that crowd and talked and especially supported that guy, who was already being completely sexist.
She seemed to sort of understand why we thought her dad was off, and she said he's a great dad and not just some sexist and so on. AND she was fairly intelligent. But I immediately felt sorry for her. She said first that family should come first for women. Okay, fine, you can think that. At one point she literally said "we're basically baby machines."
She's been raised in a home where people and the body and the mind are regarded as basically evil. The father said people are basically evil. This girl was somewhat normal and I pity her. I felt really sad for her, because you could tell she was a sweet girl, but she's been raised in a crazy environment.
The dad said he would not have married a woman he knew was barren. I don't remember everything he said, and a lot of it wasn't really intelligible anyway. He said that all we do is party and have sex and who knows what else. And then he went on to say, when he brought his daughter out, that he was looking for a husband for her. Apparently a college campus full of pagans and sinners is where he starts.
The guy started lamenting selfishness, which is apparently the cause of all our woes. He said that theft and drug use and etc. were selfish, which they're not. He said something to the effect of (I'm only rewording this to make it more clear) "There isn't one of you who hasn't criticized the selfish nature of other people, but you don't change your own ways." And I thought about speaking up and saying "I haven't." But what's the point? I could've argued the Virtue of Selfishness but he was a zealot and he wouldn't have understood what I meant by selfishness anyway.
He's just another one of those people that thinks we are supposed to suffer. We can't seek happiness in our lives, that's immoral. Oh they grant humanity a little bit of selfishness, "we have to live, right?" but beyond that they say that to pursue one's happiness is wrong.
I felt most badly for the girl. She seemed very nice, but her psychology is so wrong.
Which reminds me, he said some of us are getting degrees in "psychology, sociology, and philosophy" and there's no job market for that. Well, ignoring the fact that there IS a demand for at least psychology and sociology, God forbid we pursue a life of the mind. We should all be out having babies and supporting them! unwed 18 year olds! The hags!
Anyway, that girl has grown up in a home where she's taught she has no end in herself. She's merely a means to the ends of others. She's supposed to have and raise babies and that's it. She's been taught she's not supposed to pursue her own happiness, that she has no worth of her own.
So that's it. I don't really have an argument. I don't really know what I think, and this is just beginning to get my thoughts in order. I know that it was an irritation, I'm not sure why. I'm turned off by his rejection of the mind, by his rejection of reason. I don't think that his method will win any converts, and if it does, at what cost will it do so? I know I'm generally put off by it but I don't know why. I know that it's insulting to be told you're going to hell.
I think I have a lot of questions and things just to think about right now, about law, morality, religion, and philosophy. And I think this played on that in a negative way, that is; This came into my thoughts and I reacted negatively. That's what college is for. Maybe I'm coming into it at the right time, when I'm really ready to search for knowledge and find out more. Who knows? I've certainly changed my beliefs repeatedly in the last 4 years and I'm sure that will continue to develop. I didn't used to be a libertarian. And now I'm as irritated by the people who want to control our life styles as I am by the people who want to control our economy.
I think this guy is repressive, I think he's wrong, I think this is a problem that I have with a lot of people like him. But I'm still not certain what it is that is deep in me that reacts so negatively. Why do I not just walk by and dismiss it? OR if not that why don't I get actually angry like I do at other things. I just have this general negative reaction that I can't quite describe. But I'm still trying to figure out exactly why.
I was brought up to believe
The universe has a plan
We are only human
It’s not ours to understand
The universe has a plan
All is for the best
Some will be rewarded
And the devil will take the rest
All is for the best
Believe in what we’re told
Blind men in the market
Buying what we’re sold
Believe in what we’re told
Until our final breath
While our loving Watchmaker
Loves us all to death
In a world of cut and thrust
I was always taught to trust
In a world where all must fail
Heaven’s justice will prevail
The joy and pain that we receive
Each comes with its own cost
The price of what we’re winning
Is the same as what we’ve lost
All is for the best
Believe in what we’re told
Blind men in the market
Buying what we’re sold
Believe in what we’re told
Until our final breath
While our loving Watchmaker
Loves us all to death
Until our final breath
The joy and pain that we receive
Must be what we deserve
I was brought up to believe
BU2B
I'm probably not the only one who is immediately turned off by people carrying signs like these people were. I don't know what it is about psychology, maybe it's the color scheme or something, someone should look into it. But whenever anyone has a crazy message to spout they always seem to have the same kinds of signs.
These were about repentance and how we are sinners in the hands of an angry God. After my philosophy class they were still there, and had been for a couple hours probably. So I stayed and watched.
The guy started spouting off about this that and the other, and attracted a group of kids watching, which was actually quite large. The overwhelming vibe from the kids was opposition to this guy. Some heckled and made jokes, and others argued with him and just tried to get their point through him by being respectful.
I wasn't focusing a whole lot for 2 reasons. 1 was that I'd already got the jist of it, and at least the general aim, and I was seriously thinking about it internally, and have been thinking about stuff of that nature for a while. The second was it was a lot of meaningless babble half the time where there was no real meaning.
He basically at one point lamented us all, especially the males at first, for going to college. Because we should be learning or already have learned a trade like carpentry. And we should be married and supporting a family. The girls on the other hand are 18, 19, 20 an apparently should be having babies already. He was concerned that they're going to end up Old Maids. "OR if some of you have already lost your maidenhood you'll just become old hags!"
And it was just an irritation and something to get a bit angry about at first, saying completely ridiculous things. But then he actually brought his daughter out, and said he was looking for a husband for her (apparently on a campus of heathens.) She's 19. And she looks pretty normal. And she started to talk and ask questions, and I don't know how she managed to do it. I would NEVER have gotten in front of that crowd and talked and especially supported that guy, who was already being completely sexist.
She seemed to sort of understand why we thought her dad was off, and she said he's a great dad and not just some sexist and so on. AND she was fairly intelligent. But I immediately felt sorry for her. She said first that family should come first for women. Okay, fine, you can think that. At one point she literally said "we're basically baby machines."
She's been raised in a home where people and the body and the mind are regarded as basically evil. The father said people are basically evil. This girl was somewhat normal and I pity her. I felt really sad for her, because you could tell she was a sweet girl, but she's been raised in a crazy environment.
The dad said he would not have married a woman he knew was barren. I don't remember everything he said, and a lot of it wasn't really intelligible anyway. He said that all we do is party and have sex and who knows what else. And then he went on to say, when he brought his daughter out, that he was looking for a husband for her. Apparently a college campus full of pagans and sinners is where he starts.
The guy started lamenting selfishness, which is apparently the cause of all our woes. He said that theft and drug use and etc. were selfish, which they're not. He said something to the effect of (I'm only rewording this to make it more clear) "There isn't one of you who hasn't criticized the selfish nature of other people, but you don't change your own ways." And I thought about speaking up and saying "I haven't." But what's the point? I could've argued the Virtue of Selfishness but he was a zealot and he wouldn't have understood what I meant by selfishness anyway.
He's just another one of those people that thinks we are supposed to suffer. We can't seek happiness in our lives, that's immoral. Oh they grant humanity a little bit of selfishness, "we have to live, right?" but beyond that they say that to pursue one's happiness is wrong.
I felt most badly for the girl. She seemed very nice, but her psychology is so wrong.
Which reminds me, he said some of us are getting degrees in "psychology, sociology, and philosophy" and there's no job market for that. Well, ignoring the fact that there IS a demand for at least psychology and sociology, God forbid we pursue a life of the mind. We should all be out having babies and supporting them! unwed 18 year olds! The hags!
Anyway, that girl has grown up in a home where she's taught she has no end in herself. She's merely a means to the ends of others. She's supposed to have and raise babies and that's it. She's been taught she's not supposed to pursue her own happiness, that she has no worth of her own.
So that's it. I don't really have an argument. I don't really know what I think, and this is just beginning to get my thoughts in order. I know that it was an irritation, I'm not sure why. I'm turned off by his rejection of the mind, by his rejection of reason. I don't think that his method will win any converts, and if it does, at what cost will it do so? I know I'm generally put off by it but I don't know why. I know that it's insulting to be told you're going to hell.
I think I have a lot of questions and things just to think about right now, about law, morality, religion, and philosophy. And I think this played on that in a negative way, that is; This came into my thoughts and I reacted negatively. That's what college is for. Maybe I'm coming into it at the right time, when I'm really ready to search for knowledge and find out more. Who knows? I've certainly changed my beliefs repeatedly in the last 4 years and I'm sure that will continue to develop. I didn't used to be a libertarian. And now I'm as irritated by the people who want to control our life styles as I am by the people who want to control our economy.
I think this guy is repressive, I think he's wrong, I think this is a problem that I have with a lot of people like him. But I'm still not certain what it is that is deep in me that reacts so negatively. Why do I not just walk by and dismiss it? OR if not that why don't I get actually angry like I do at other things. I just have this general negative reaction that I can't quite describe. But I'm still trying to figure out exactly why.
I was brought up to believe
The universe has a plan
We are only human
It’s not ours to understand
The universe has a plan
All is for the best
Some will be rewarded
And the devil will take the rest
All is for the best
Believe in what we’re told
Blind men in the market
Buying what we’re sold
Believe in what we’re told
Until our final breath
While our loving Watchmaker
Loves us all to death
In a world of cut and thrust
I was always taught to trust
In a world where all must fail
Heaven’s justice will prevail
The joy and pain that we receive
Each comes with its own cost
The price of what we’re winning
Is the same as what we’ve lost
All is for the best
Believe in what we’re told
Blind men in the market
Buying what we’re sold
Believe in what we’re told
Until our final breath
While our loving Watchmaker
Loves us all to death
Until our final breath
The joy and pain that we receive
Must be what we deserve
I was brought up to believe
BU2B
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Drift Away
Sunday was better than Saturday, by a long shot.
ECC was alright. It was different than what I am normally used to, I'm not sold on all of it, but it was fine. I've never understood the hands up in the air during the praise songs. I've never felt that level of connection with the music. I met no one then, just sat and did my thing and then left.
Following that I went straight to Qdoba's to meet the IU Objectivists. This was probably the first time that I've really hit it off with anyone right away. I met several people, 4 of us were there at first. We had the introductory small talk, majors, year, plans, etc. Then we started discussing Objectivism and it took off. The guy that took over most of the discussion was Ryan, and for a while it was almost a lecture, as he was pretty much the only one talking. It ended up being that he and I were the ones discussing things. Brandon and Donna, the two other people there at the time, just listened for the most part.
I immediately found out two things. Ryan is very smart and knows quite a lot about Objectivism, and that I can hold my own in any discussion about it. He is a 24 year old grad student and he knows a great deal about it and I was able to keep up and contribute. Besides the discussion on philosophy we hit it off immediately over a common love for the show "Penn and Teller's Bullshit" but more importantly a common love of Rush. We spent a good hour talking about the music, the lyrics, the people and the philosophy of Rush's music. Brandon and Donna left and we stayed talking about Rush in particular and more philosophy until Steve and Rainelle, Ryan's fiance, showed up.
So I met several people at that and people that I immediately connected with.
I went to the Connexion service for college students in the evening at ECC. Michael Swihart showed up to drive me and I saw and spoke to Nancy for a while there. I was introduced to a lot of people, but didn't really meet any of them. The service was again, alright. I enjoyed the singer's voice, very rock, reminded me of the guy from Creed.
Afterward Michael and some others and I went back to the house he shares with some other students. The guys next door put a grill together and it turned into a small street party.
College GOP on Monday night. Met Richard Murdock, IN Treasurer, heard Todd Young speak, congressional candidate for Bloomington. I'll be changing my registration to vote down here because this race is going to be closer than IN-3 but Young is favored as of now. The count had 159 people there, which was huge. But, I didn't talk to anyone. They usually go to a wings place after every meeting on Mondays, but I wasn't feeling it. There's a "right wing night" tomorrow which is a big party I will probably go to at the wings place, Buffa Louie's.
Rest of the week was just a regular week. Sleep, Class, Hundred, Homework. Rinse, Wash, Repeat.
Tomorrow I'm going to go see jazz guitarist Mike Stern do a master's jazz class. He's very good, one of Kaufman's favorite artists. Victor let me know about the class, so I'm going to go check it out. Saturday I'm going to . . . Do nothing. Again. Maybe there'll be a group somewhere to watch IU @ West. Kentucky.
So. I've started to meet people. Right now my best friends are Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson and Neil Peart. Because I listen to them constantly. I love music. And sometimes there are songs or bands like Rush that just connect on a deeper level all the time. Made me think of the song "Drift Away" which I thought was by Alabama, but as it turns out was buy some guy and has been covered a TON of times, and the most popular version is not the original artist, and Alabama did not do a cover. Anyway. That song captures how well music connects. And Rush does that for me. The lyrics, the instrumentality, the vocals, everything. They are one of the best bands at matching the feel of their lyrics to the emotion they want to produce with their music. Rush is incredible, and I frequently get lost in their music.
Day after day, I'm more confused
Yet I look for the light through the pourin' rain
You know that's a game that I hate to lose
And I'm feelin' the strain
Ain't it a shame
Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
ECC was alright. It was different than what I am normally used to, I'm not sold on all of it, but it was fine. I've never understood the hands up in the air during the praise songs. I've never felt that level of connection with the music. I met no one then, just sat and did my thing and then left.
Following that I went straight to Qdoba's to meet the IU Objectivists. This was probably the first time that I've really hit it off with anyone right away. I met several people, 4 of us were there at first. We had the introductory small talk, majors, year, plans, etc. Then we started discussing Objectivism and it took off. The guy that took over most of the discussion was Ryan, and for a while it was almost a lecture, as he was pretty much the only one talking. It ended up being that he and I were the ones discussing things. Brandon and Donna, the two other people there at the time, just listened for the most part.
I immediately found out two things. Ryan is very smart and knows quite a lot about Objectivism, and that I can hold my own in any discussion about it. He is a 24 year old grad student and he knows a great deal about it and I was able to keep up and contribute. Besides the discussion on philosophy we hit it off immediately over a common love for the show "Penn and Teller's Bullshit" but more importantly a common love of Rush. We spent a good hour talking about the music, the lyrics, the people and the philosophy of Rush's music. Brandon and Donna left and we stayed talking about Rush in particular and more philosophy until Steve and Rainelle, Ryan's fiance, showed up.
So I met several people at that and people that I immediately connected with.
I went to the Connexion service for college students in the evening at ECC. Michael Swihart showed up to drive me and I saw and spoke to Nancy for a while there. I was introduced to a lot of people, but didn't really meet any of them. The service was again, alright. I enjoyed the singer's voice, very rock, reminded me of the guy from Creed.
Afterward Michael and some others and I went back to the house he shares with some other students. The guys next door put a grill together and it turned into a small street party.
College GOP on Monday night. Met Richard Murdock, IN Treasurer, heard Todd Young speak, congressional candidate for Bloomington. I'll be changing my registration to vote down here because this race is going to be closer than IN-3 but Young is favored as of now. The count had 159 people there, which was huge. But, I didn't talk to anyone. They usually go to a wings place after every meeting on Mondays, but I wasn't feeling it. There's a "right wing night" tomorrow which is a big party I will probably go to at the wings place, Buffa Louie's.
Rest of the week was just a regular week. Sleep, Class, Hundred, Homework. Rinse, Wash, Repeat.
Tomorrow I'm going to go see jazz guitarist Mike Stern do a master's jazz class. He's very good, one of Kaufman's favorite artists. Victor let me know about the class, so I'm going to go check it out. Saturday I'm going to . . . Do nothing. Again. Maybe there'll be a group somewhere to watch IU @ West. Kentucky.
So. I've started to meet people. Right now my best friends are Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson and Neil Peart. Because I listen to them constantly. I love music. And sometimes there are songs or bands like Rush that just connect on a deeper level all the time. Made me think of the song "Drift Away" which I thought was by Alabama, but as it turns out was buy some guy and has been covered a TON of times, and the most popular version is not the original artist, and Alabama did not do a cover. Anyway. That song captures how well music connects. And Rush does that for me. The lyrics, the instrumentality, the vocals, everything. They are one of the best bands at matching the feel of their lyrics to the emotion they want to produce with their music. Rush is incredible, and I frequently get lost in their music.
Day after day, I'm more confused
Yet I look for the light through the pourin' rain
You know that's a game that I hate to lose
And I'm feelin' the strain
Ain't it a shame
Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
Sunday, September 12, 2010
The Longest Day
This was from 9/11/10. The next day ended up being A LOT better, and I will post about that sometime shortly. But I figured I may as well post this now, having worked on it. And while 9/12 was a really good day, the day I wrote this still sucked so I may as well post it. Many of my concerns did not turn out the way I feared today. So this post is in a way no longer applicable, but I suppose it doesn't hurt to remember the crappy days too.
Well, today was certainly not that great. I got up, showered and brushed my teeth, and only left my room after that for food or to use the bathroom. . . Did a lot of staring, TV, Computer, DS, walls even. Probably a low point since I've been here.
Yesterday was good, at least by comparison to most days. The majority of the day was as mediocre-bad as the rest. But I decided to buy tickets to see Rob Riggle perform in the IU auditorium that night. I considered going by myself but ended up, (due to some prodding) textin Rahul and seeing if he was interested. So I bought the tickets, since I was at the office, knowing he'd pay me back. The opening comic did a 40 minute set and was surprisingly funny. The opener was a producer for The Daily Show, and Riggle was on the Daily Show and has been in movies and things. They actually took sometime to research IU, just a bit at least. The opener made jokes about the residence halls, knew that the crazy dorms are McNutt and Briscoe. Riggle made jokes about what a Hoosier is, leading to one of my favorite lines of the night, totally unplanned.
"So do you know what a Hoosier is? - Riggle
Some guy in the crowd "A Hoosier is a person that's better than a boiler"
He had a good dynamic with the crowd, and kept things going. He caught a girl on her phone in the front and got off the stage and was gonna make her read a text, when she claimed she was just checking it he asked for her phone and then held it up and 'read' "Rob Riggle looks so freaking hot right now. . . .Alright, carry on." During a Q and A he and the opener spoke to a guys friend over the phone for his birthday.
Needless to say he was quite funny. 2 things impressed me. A girl raised her hand during q&a to thank them for coming because otherwise her dad wanted her to go see Joel Osteen in Indy. That was an opportunity to make fun of Osteen or Christianity, and the girl was obviously fishing for a shot at Olsteen, but Riggle actually stuck up for him a bit, and said he was a good guy and that he'd read his book.
After the show we walked back towards Jordan Ave and saw them out on the ramp of the auditorium, just sitting out there, smoking. So we kinda slowed down and saw a group of 3 approach them and after a minute decided, what the heck? So we went up there, hung back, and after a girl had her picture taken I asked if it was alright if we took pictures too. Rob replied "It is always alright to take a picture." So I got to take a pic with Rob and the other guy, (who's name I need to google) and so did Rahul. I almost left him hanging but turned around and gave Rob the high five/hand shake. He was very cool about it, and it is nice to see someone who is fairly famous, and not a dick about it. He was more than happy to speak to the students.
So those 3 hours or so were really awesome. And meeting him completely made the night, Rahul and I were both pretty incredulous walking away. But of course, after that I had to return to my room, and deal with more drama.
Today, on the other hand, was awful. Oh nothing bad happened, really, but, NOTHING happened. I left my room for . . .maybe a total of an hour, MAYBE. This is the worst part, still. Compounding the problem is that I don't have any desire to be social. I'm not social at all. If people talk to me I just give them awkward replies to whatever they may ask, or just mumble and get away with saying nothing. And I don't particularly like being in situations where I don't know what to do. At all. It took me over a week and a half to go to the Mexican place in the food court, because I didn't know how one went about ordering. Yeah. That bad.
So tomorrow I'm going to a new church, by myself. And I know that they'll make an effort to welcome a new person, especially a college kid. But the people coming up to me and asking questions and talking is only going to make me feel awkward. And I'll probably mutter and give awkward responses again and come off as a dick. And then I have an Objectivist meeting at Qdoba's. For which I don't know anyone. So even though I theoretically should connect with these people, it's entirely possible I'll get to the restaurant and not be able to find them quickly and just feel awkward and leave. In situations where I know I won't know exactly what I'm doing, it's entirely possible that I'll skip them, I usually do. If not for the fact that I'm so desperate to meet people, I'd probably skip the meeting. Until I'm actually there, there will be a slight possibility that I will just skip it.
All non-believers stand aside in fear
A new day's marching through the door
How could you ever think you'd make it here?
Did it bleed? Was it sore?
Through the struggles you've endured
You've come so far from innocence
Provided all the consequence
Only what does it matter now?
The Running Free - Coheed and Cambria
Well, today was certainly not that great. I got up, showered and brushed my teeth, and only left my room after that for food or to use the bathroom. . . Did a lot of staring, TV, Computer, DS, walls even. Probably a low point since I've been here.
Yesterday was good, at least by comparison to most days. The majority of the day was as mediocre-bad as the rest. But I decided to buy tickets to see Rob Riggle perform in the IU auditorium that night. I considered going by myself but ended up, (due to some prodding) textin Rahul and seeing if he was interested. So I bought the tickets, since I was at the office, knowing he'd pay me back. The opening comic did a 40 minute set and was surprisingly funny. The opener was a producer for The Daily Show, and Riggle was on the Daily Show and has been in movies and things. They actually took sometime to research IU, just a bit at least. The opener made jokes about the residence halls, knew that the crazy dorms are McNutt and Briscoe. Riggle made jokes about what a Hoosier is, leading to one of my favorite lines of the night, totally unplanned.
"So do you know what a Hoosier is? - Riggle
Some guy in the crowd "A Hoosier is a person that's better than a boiler"
He had a good dynamic with the crowd, and kept things going. He caught a girl on her phone in the front and got off the stage and was gonna make her read a text, when she claimed she was just checking it he asked for her phone and then held it up and 'read' "Rob Riggle looks so freaking hot right now. . . .Alright, carry on." During a Q and A he and the opener spoke to a guys friend over the phone for his birthday.
Needless to say he was quite funny. 2 things impressed me. A girl raised her hand during q&a to thank them for coming because otherwise her dad wanted her to go see Joel Osteen in Indy. That was an opportunity to make fun of Osteen or Christianity, and the girl was obviously fishing for a shot at Olsteen, but Riggle actually stuck up for him a bit, and said he was a good guy and that he'd read his book.
After the show we walked back towards Jordan Ave and saw them out on the ramp of the auditorium, just sitting out there, smoking. So we kinda slowed down and saw a group of 3 approach them and after a minute decided, what the heck? So we went up there, hung back, and after a girl had her picture taken I asked if it was alright if we took pictures too. Rob replied "It is always alright to take a picture." So I got to take a pic with Rob and the other guy, (who's name I need to google) and so did Rahul. I almost left him hanging but turned around and gave Rob the high five/hand shake. He was very cool about it, and it is nice to see someone who is fairly famous, and not a dick about it. He was more than happy to speak to the students.
So those 3 hours or so were really awesome. And meeting him completely made the night, Rahul and I were both pretty incredulous walking away. But of course, after that I had to return to my room, and deal with more drama.
Today, on the other hand, was awful. Oh nothing bad happened, really, but, NOTHING happened. I left my room for . . .maybe a total of an hour, MAYBE. This is the worst part, still. Compounding the problem is that I don't have any desire to be social. I'm not social at all. If people talk to me I just give them awkward replies to whatever they may ask, or just mumble and get away with saying nothing. And I don't particularly like being in situations where I don't know what to do. At all. It took me over a week and a half to go to the Mexican place in the food court, because I didn't know how one went about ordering. Yeah. That bad.
So tomorrow I'm going to a new church, by myself. And I know that they'll make an effort to welcome a new person, especially a college kid. But the people coming up to me and asking questions and talking is only going to make me feel awkward. And I'll probably mutter and give awkward responses again and come off as a dick. And then I have an Objectivist meeting at Qdoba's. For which I don't know anyone. So even though I theoretically should connect with these people, it's entirely possible I'll get to the restaurant and not be able to find them quickly and just feel awkward and leave. In situations where I know I won't know exactly what I'm doing, it's entirely possible that I'll skip them, I usually do. If not for the fact that I'm so desperate to meet people, I'd probably skip the meeting. Until I'm actually there, there will be a slight possibility that I will just skip it.
All non-believers stand aside in fear
A new day's marching through the door
How could you ever think you'd make it here?
Did it bleed? Was it sore?
Through the struggles you've endured
You've come so far from innocence
Provided all the consequence
Only what does it matter now?
The Running Free - Coheed and Cambria
Monday, September 6, 2010
Indiana, Our Indiana
I've been at Indiana University for 2 weeks. My first week of classes just ended.
I love the campus. I love the city and I enjoy the classes, at least this far. I love being at a school where people actually enjoy being there. This is such a reversal of attitudes from Goshen High School. People are proud of their school, people really love it. No matter how the teams do, sports are still a huge deal. The first football game was a huge party, inside the stadium and out. People actually enjoy and appreciate the Marching Hundred. Instead of taking away anything resembling fun, the Athletic Director mic'd the band and installed a crane in front of the student section. He and his staff took time out of their day to come personally address the band and hand out ice cream. Head Football Coach Bill Lynch also came to the band's night in Memorial Stadium and addressed us. No matter how the sports teams do, the students love it here.
The Marching Hundred is incredible. The week of band camp was great. We got out of practices early, took breaks all the time and Colonel told us to stop being so serious, to make more noise and have more fun with it Another complete reversal from High School. Colonel enjoys the football game and the band is a big part of it.
The first two days were the hardest, not knowing ANYONE. Those 2 days were harder than I thought it would be, and meeting people is still the hardest part of it. I'm well liked in my section, and although I would never have expected it I went to 2 parties in my first week of being in Bloomington. But still gaining friends is the tough part of it. I don't really see anyone outside of band at this point.
At the end of the first week section competition took place in Memorial Stadium. Piccolos and Mellophones did an 80's workout Richard Simmons show, clarinets and trumpets spoofed their section rivarly, Sousys and alto saxes did The Twilight Zone for Marching Band, and The Trombones and Tenortones, did The Lion King.
We went on first and had the entire audience rolling the whole show. Trombones were lion pride, tenors and tones were hyenas, our section leader Ryan played Scar, Victor played Pumba, Dylan and Norm from the Trombones played Timon and Mature Simba.
We marched out with the chant from the beginning of the movie, and played Circle of Life. We did The Procedure to mimic the stampede which kills Mufasa. "Scar" chased Simba away and the Hyenas surrounded the lions. During a trio of Hakuna Matata, adult Simba and Young Simba swtiched behind a sheet. Simba came back to challenge scar to the tune of Indiana Fight. Substituted vocals Go! Scar! fight fight fight! short break and Scar yells, "I killed MUFASA!" Simba of course yells "NO!" (as opposed to in practice for competition when he yelled "you ass!") And we play Indiana Fight again, faster, and yell Go! Simba! fight fight fight! Simba wins, scar dies, and we play our adaptation of The Lion King's love song "Can you Get It On Tonight?"
Rafiki, (a trombone in a gorilla mask) held up young Simba at the end of Circle of Life, and Simba & Nala's cub at the end of the show.
That show won section competition hands down. And for the band members at least, section competition is a big deal. Got the large traveling trophy and we all celebrated on the field. Everbody laid hands on the trophy. And at the celebration party Ryan (after having a couple) made me and others kiss it like the championship trophy it is.
I went to 2 parties my first week. Which I would've never expected. It was pretty low pressure. Nobody's gonna make anyone else drink and it was fine that I didn't. Although that made it somewhat awkward, since I really couldn't join in. Probably the weirdest part was having our Assoc Instructor there drinking too. He is staff on the hundred, and so I keep thinking of him like Adam from GHS band or something like that, a staff member separate from the band. So it was outrageously weird to see him there and hanging out with the "kids" and drinking, (got a bit tipsy, as evidenced by my coming over and him getting excited, throwing his hands up. "MICHAEL!!!") but he is still a grad STUDENT and is only 25 or so. Just an odd feeling to see staff members partying.
Making Pre-Game block was huge for me. Made me feel like more part of the band and it's a huge thrill to do it. That relieved a source of stress for the whole week, the anticipation, and it helped make me feel more integrated.
The hardest part is still meeting people. I went to parties and went out to eat with people a lot during band camp. Since then, i'm either at class/hundred, eating (by myself) or in my room. My roommate doesn't talk. I mean, LITERALLY. Jacque was here this weekend and never heard him speak once. He got out of his desk chair maybe twice while we were there. Today he slept for very nearly 13 hours, then got on the computer, went to class, and has since been on the computer. I've seen him bring food back, and get up to (presumably) go to the bathroom. No shower, no change of clothes. He did brush his teeth though!
Jacque showing up was great. We went to the mall, and bowled and played video games at the Union. We did a TON of walking. Her being here made me go out, and got me to go different places that I hadn't been yet. It was really really good seeing her, but saying goodbye again was really difficult. And in a way makes now more difficult, because now the contrast is even more visible.
So yeah, . . . everything is going well, except that part of it. Being not very social really doesn't help the situation. I could go to Cru, or something similar, but I'd probably walk around the back and not talk to anyone, and just feel awkward the entire time.
So this post took a few days. Mostly because I'm not really the type of person to write stuff down like this, and most of the time I'd just not want to do it, and it's constantly a possibility that I'll just decide it's stupid and drop it completely.
This had major ups and downs, but so has being here. Bands ton of fun, campus is nice, I love the freedom, I enjoy the city, but the friends part of it is really depressing, at least for now.
We are secrets to each other
Each one's life a novel
No-one else has read.
Even joined in bonds of love,
We're linked to one another
By such slender threads.
We are planets to each other,
Drifting in our orbits
To a brief eclipse.
Each of us a world apart,
Alone and yet together,
Like two passing ships.
Just between us,
I think it's time for us to recognize
The differences we sometimes fear to show.
Just between us,
I think it's time for us to realize
The spaces in between
Leave room for you and I to grow.
From "Entre Nous" - Rush
I love the campus. I love the city and I enjoy the classes, at least this far. I love being at a school where people actually enjoy being there. This is such a reversal of attitudes from Goshen High School. People are proud of their school, people really love it. No matter how the teams do, sports are still a huge deal. The first football game was a huge party, inside the stadium and out. People actually enjoy and appreciate the Marching Hundred. Instead of taking away anything resembling fun, the Athletic Director mic'd the band and installed a crane in front of the student section. He and his staff took time out of their day to come personally address the band and hand out ice cream. Head Football Coach Bill Lynch also came to the band's night in Memorial Stadium and addressed us. No matter how the sports teams do, the students love it here.
The Marching Hundred is incredible. The week of band camp was great. We got out of practices early, took breaks all the time and Colonel told us to stop being so serious, to make more noise and have more fun with it Another complete reversal from High School. Colonel enjoys the football game and the band is a big part of it.
The first two days were the hardest, not knowing ANYONE. Those 2 days were harder than I thought it would be, and meeting people is still the hardest part of it. I'm well liked in my section, and although I would never have expected it I went to 2 parties in my first week of being in Bloomington. But still gaining friends is the tough part of it. I don't really see anyone outside of band at this point.
At the end of the first week section competition took place in Memorial Stadium. Piccolos and Mellophones did an 80's workout Richard Simmons show, clarinets and trumpets spoofed their section rivarly, Sousys and alto saxes did The Twilight Zone for Marching Band, and The Trombones and Tenortones, did The Lion King.
We went on first and had the entire audience rolling the whole show. Trombones were lion pride, tenors and tones were hyenas, our section leader Ryan played Scar, Victor played Pumba, Dylan and Norm from the Trombones played Timon and Mature Simba.
We marched out with the chant from the beginning of the movie, and played Circle of Life. We did The Procedure to mimic the stampede which kills Mufasa. "Scar" chased Simba away and the Hyenas surrounded the lions. During a trio of Hakuna Matata, adult Simba and Young Simba swtiched behind a sheet. Simba came back to challenge scar to the tune of Indiana Fight. Substituted vocals Go! Scar! fight fight fight! short break and Scar yells, "I killed MUFASA!" Simba of course yells "NO!" (as opposed to in practice for competition when he yelled "you ass!") And we play Indiana Fight again, faster, and yell Go! Simba! fight fight fight! Simba wins, scar dies, and we play our adaptation of The Lion King's love song "Can you Get It On Tonight?"
Rafiki, (a trombone in a gorilla mask) held up young Simba at the end of Circle of Life, and Simba & Nala's cub at the end of the show.
That show won section competition hands down. And for the band members at least, section competition is a big deal. Got the large traveling trophy and we all celebrated on the field. Everbody laid hands on the trophy. And at the celebration party Ryan (after having a couple) made me and others kiss it like the championship trophy it is.
I went to 2 parties my first week. Which I would've never expected. It was pretty low pressure. Nobody's gonna make anyone else drink and it was fine that I didn't. Although that made it somewhat awkward, since I really couldn't join in. Probably the weirdest part was having our Assoc Instructor there drinking too. He is staff on the hundred, and so I keep thinking of him like Adam from GHS band or something like that, a staff member separate from the band. So it was outrageously weird to see him there and hanging out with the "kids" and drinking, (got a bit tipsy, as evidenced by my coming over and him getting excited, throwing his hands up. "MICHAEL!!!") but he is still a grad STUDENT and is only 25 or so. Just an odd feeling to see staff members partying.
Making Pre-Game block was huge for me. Made me feel like more part of the band and it's a huge thrill to do it. That relieved a source of stress for the whole week, the anticipation, and it helped make me feel more integrated.
The hardest part is still meeting people. I went to parties and went out to eat with people a lot during band camp. Since then, i'm either at class/hundred, eating (by myself) or in my room. My roommate doesn't talk. I mean, LITERALLY. Jacque was here this weekend and never heard him speak once. He got out of his desk chair maybe twice while we were there. Today he slept for very nearly 13 hours, then got on the computer, went to class, and has since been on the computer. I've seen him bring food back, and get up to (presumably) go to the bathroom. No shower, no change of clothes. He did brush his teeth though!
Jacque showing up was great. We went to the mall, and bowled and played video games at the Union. We did a TON of walking. Her being here made me go out, and got me to go different places that I hadn't been yet. It was really really good seeing her, but saying goodbye again was really difficult. And in a way makes now more difficult, because now the contrast is even more visible.
So yeah, . . . everything is going well, except that part of it. Being not very social really doesn't help the situation. I could go to Cru, or something similar, but I'd probably walk around the back and not talk to anyone, and just feel awkward the entire time.
So this post took a few days. Mostly because I'm not really the type of person to write stuff down like this, and most of the time I'd just not want to do it, and it's constantly a possibility that I'll just decide it's stupid and drop it completely.
This had major ups and downs, but so has being here. Bands ton of fun, campus is nice, I love the freedom, I enjoy the city, but the friends part of it is really depressing, at least for now.
We are secrets to each other
Each one's life a novel
No-one else has read.
Even joined in bonds of love,
We're linked to one another
By such slender threads.
We are planets to each other,
Drifting in our orbits
To a brief eclipse.
Each of us a world apart,
Alone and yet together,
Like two passing ships.
Just between us,
I think it's time for us to recognize
The differences we sometimes fear to show.
Just between us,
I think it's time for us to realize
The spaces in between
Leave room for you and I to grow.
From "Entre Nous" - Rush
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